My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
