He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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