I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
