If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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