Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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