Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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