If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
