I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
