meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
