I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just forgot I was standing up.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
