So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
