I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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