if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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