I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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