I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
