I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize