Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
