your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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