My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize