My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
