I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize