yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize