Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
