I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
