the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
