can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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