you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
