You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
