you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
