i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
