Small penises have feelings too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
