He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
