i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
