Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
