i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize