Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
