Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
