9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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