You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
