Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
