Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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