i may or may not be watching the land before time
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
