who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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