I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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