I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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