I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
