He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
