Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
