Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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