you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mom said you looked used
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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