So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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