No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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