I got chris browned last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
