...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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