So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
