Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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