By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
