The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
