oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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