White coat. Heels.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
