how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
