so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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