highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
