Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
