Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
