i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
