so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize