3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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