you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
