Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
