you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
