i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
