Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize