Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize