i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
